Skill

Situation

Discouraging Response

Encouraging Response

To be accepting and empathetic

Teen practiced hard but did not place in piano contest.
Teen backed into car in parking lot. Other driver was very angry

Don't give up-just work harder! That's what I do.
That's really stupid to back into someone like that! Didn't you look?

I know you've worked hard.

We all make mistakes. What can you do to avoid another accident like this in the future?

To focus on strengths and contributions to show appreciation

Teen does better at tennis practice than in preceding match.

Teen admits mistake and corrects it.

I told you weren't ready for the match, but you never listen.

You never think before you act!

I noticed your game was faster and stronger today than it was last time I saw you play.I'm glad to see you taking responsibility for your mistakes.

To look for the positive; to develop alternative ways of viewing a situation

Against own better judgment, teen goes to drinking party. Party is raided by police.

Teen is unhappy to be spending summer at home while friends are all going on vacation

Now do you see why I've never approved of that crowd? I sure would've thought you know better.

Are you ever spoiled! When I was your age, I worked all summer

I think you've learned something here about following the crowd.

It's not often you get three months to use any way you'd like-let's think of some things you could do here at home

To focus on effort and improvement

Teen has been trying to improve overall academic performance; report card is not as good as expected.

Teen is have difficulty memorizing lines for a play

I thought you said you were going to work this quarter-look at that algebra grade!

Maybe you should drop out. Some people aren't very good at memory work.

You've improved in English and history. It looks like you're sticking to your goal.

You may not have all your lines memorized yet, but every time you read them you seem to put more expression into your part.